when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
