I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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