Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
