ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
