speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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