sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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