Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
