Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
