i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
