Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
