I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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