I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
