I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
