Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
