What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He? As in you personified your dick?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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