I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
