Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
