we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
