I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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