Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
