you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
