I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
