i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
