my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
