I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize