TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
