Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
