Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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