is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
