Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Boobs are out for the taking
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
