i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize