you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
