living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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