We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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