i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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