Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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