Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
