Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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