I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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