yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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