I can text with my tongue
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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