Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize