i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
