"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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