You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
