sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
