I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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