Plan B is the new Plan A
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
