so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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