i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
