You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
