I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Randomize
