The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
