Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just found a bag of teeth...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
