the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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