apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
