So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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