If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
