We won't sleep together?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
