Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
