I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
