And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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