i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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