i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
