so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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