You really coming over, don't trick.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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