Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
