I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
