So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
love makes seman taste better
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize